Pro Choice Does Not Mean I’m Pro Abortion: It Means I’m Pro “Minding My Business”

When people hear my story and that I didn’t know I was pregnant for 4 months, often times the conversation switches to abortion. People who are anti abortion suddenly question their belief, because before talking to me, they didn’t understand or believe a woman couldn’t know she was pregnant for so long. I didn’t think for one second I was pregnant up until the day I found out. What I now know is PCOS, caused irregular periods all my life. Sometimes going months without them. I have issues with food and gluten intolerances. Anything I eat makes me bloat. Put those two together and how could I know?? I looked 4 months pregnant on a daily basis. I never had any other symptoms other than sore breasts (which I get around my period) and some morning sickness I thought was just my normal anxiety and a result of a concussion from a car accident I was in 2 weeks after concieving. In the past, my anxiety has been so bad it’s actually caused me to get so nauseous I’d gag. 

I don’t think pro choice means pro abortion. It never has to me. I had an abortion scheduled when I thought I was 6-8 weeks. Hours after, I questioned my decision and figured out it wasn’t the right one for me. Either choice I made was going to be hard. I either spend the rest of my life wondering who or what my child I never got to meet would be. Or, I could take this challenge head on even though some days I’d question if it was doable. THEN I got a prenatal diagnosis for Down Syndrome and was again faced with the option of abortion for medical reasons at 4 months. I chose life. I never second guessed that choice. I didn’t know if this was my only chance to have a child. Had I not made the decision I did if I truly were only 6-8 weeks, I think my choice would have eventually ate at me so much that I would have eventually found life not worthy of living and made the decision I wasn’t worthy of living either for what I did. I had the appointment scheduled. I feel things intensely or not at all. All the emotions at once or none at all. It’s a result of all the trauma I’ve endured since childhood. That’s a wrap sheet within itself. 

When listening to the things that are happening in Texas and other parts of our country regarding abortion, I’m concerned. Concerned that politicians have such a say in what a woman can do with her reproductive organs in her child bearing years. If you think the mask argument applies here; you’re plainly uneducated and unable to see how those two don’t even compare. Logical fallacy. Being forced to bear a child at 15 from rape versus Target asking you to wear a mask in their store? Not even comparable. Being required to show a vaccine card to get into a privately owned business does NOT even compare to being 15 years old, not knowing you were pregnant until 10 weeks after your uncle raped you and has been sexually abusing you for years then being forced to carry the child to term. The Texas Abortion Law INCLUDES Rape/Incest not being valid reasons for abortion past 6 weeks. Add the trauma of birthing a piece of you and giving the baby up for adoption. Triple the trauma. This is a young woman who is more likely to turn to drugs, alcohol and unhealthy sexual relationships in her coming of age years. Guess what that means for adulthood unless she gets the psychological help and support she needs? The cycle of trauma is a gruesome one. I’ve lived it and survived it. 

There are few things I don’t necessarily agree with, but at the end of the day, it’s not my body. It’s not my place to punish a woman for a choice she makes that wasn’t made lightly. That’s between her and God. 

What I will say: Abortion is not a form of birth control. Having three Trisomy 21 pregnancies and continuously aborting them because that’s not the baby you “want” means you probably shouldn’t fucking be parents. In the UK and most of Europe, it is LEGAL to abort a child with Down syndrome or any birth defect up until the baby is IN THE BIRTH CANAL!!!!! Regardless of percentage of survival outside the womb. If the baby has a 99% chance at life at 39 weeks, the parents can still choose to abort. It’s atrocious and sends the label that disabled people’s lives don’t matter. I feel the same on typical pregnancies. There should be a deadline on abortions if you knew early on. If you find out you’re pregnant at a 4 weeks and don’t decide to have an abortion until 17 weeks, I think that’s wrong. That’s a touchy subject for me given I didn’t know until 17 weeks but I stand by it. Having multiple abortions when you KNOW you were freely having sex without any protection (condoms or BC) with multiple partners is not a valid reason to abuse abortions. Especially if you come from an educated background, grew up with health insurance and healthcare. I have much more empathy for areas of poverty that literally don’t know what resources are available to them. Or lack proper sex education and healthcare. If your doctor diagnosed you with PCOS or Endo, wear protection anyway. Rowen is living proof miracles happen even with fertility issues.

I do have a HUGE issue with pro-lifers turning on their blinders to the atrocities of the foster care system. You know why it’s overflowing? Because they’re the children of parents who didn’t want kids, had them anyways, resented them, abused them and made them feel like their existence is a mistake. I was in elementary school learning much more than I should have about why my foster brothers and sisters were living with us. 

I’ve lived with a baby who’s dad put his head on a baseboard heater because he wouldn’t stop crying. I’ll never forget my mom having to change his bandages every day because he had a staph infection all over his tiny head.  

I’ve lived with a girl in 5th grade my age who was molested by a family member. I had a lot of trouble with this placement and I was so mean to her because I felt like I was competing for attention with my parents. Adult me wishes my young brain had the capacity for empathy back then. 

I’ve lived with a baby boy we were suppose to adopt who was born to two drug addicts. His mom had developmental delays and was not able to care for him. Him & my now adopted brother play xbox together in present day because we’ve stayed in contact with his grandma. He’s now in high school & I love hearing good news about him. 

The most remarkable story of all….the story of my little brother. This is his story to tell some day so all I can say is that his mom chose life. She knew she couldn’t give him the life he deserved and he ended up with us. He’s taught me so many lessons. 

When it comes to men: I realize that there have been women who have had abortions when the father was against it. I feel for them. But they’re not the ones who’s body is changing and carrying a baby. Not the one the baby is latched too the first year of life and after. There’s more men who choose to just walk away and leave the pregnant mother with no repercussions for his actions than men who choose to stay and do the right thing. I’m one of the lucky ones. 

I will never harshly judge another woman for their choice to get an abortion. Or their choice not too. Until you’re in the position where you’re faced with this choice: I think it’s best you keep quiet on what you “think” is right. No stranger knows what’s best for another person. Or the child they’d be bringing into the world. If you’re going to point the finger at abortions, be sure to turn the other way and look at the foster care system. Or even better: adopt or become a foster parents. Imagine how many children’s lives you could change. If that’s not something you’re cut out for, volunteer at your local youth shelters to be a mentor. There’s so many good & positive options to change this narrative. 

*these are my own words and own experiences. Hopefully this will give some others a different point of view. 

**names have been avoided to protect the privacy of others as I still have contact with some of my foster siblings